I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
