:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
