pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
