hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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