the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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