Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
