Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
