Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
