I'm gonna have a badass scar
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
