Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
