Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
