oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
