her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We are two peas in an std pod
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
