My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
