the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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