so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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