he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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