i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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