So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
