just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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