Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
third nipple confirmed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
