I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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