whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
