My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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