well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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