JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
