i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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