saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
