just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
