Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
