i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
