wat bout pragnant strippers??
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Randomize
