...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
