matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
