my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
