Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
