I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
