I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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