Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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