So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
