Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
