BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
