You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
