you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
