if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well I just put wine in my tea
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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