someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
