New invention idea: vibrating tampons
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
