I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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