Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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