im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
