Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
